I’m not ashamed to say that I’m scared of the future. In any given day, at any given time, something terrible can happen. No one knows what the future holds for them. No one can be sure that their dreams and life ambitions will come true. That’s what scares me the most.
I’m scared that I’ll lose my friends. Already the numbers have decreased since finishing high school. Now, I feel like I have about 3 people in my life that I can really call a good friend. It’s not that the others are bad friends, they’re just not around anymore.
I’m scared that my relationship with my boyfriend will end and it’ll hurt like previous break ups have hurt. I love him with everything I am but I can’t tell what’s going to happen in the future. I can hope and pray with all that I have but it still might not be enough to hold us together through whatever the future holds.
I’m scared that my writing will get me nowhere. What if I don’t get a career that I love out of it? What if I can’t find a job as a writer or what if I end up hating it? Should I have chosen a different path to travel on?
I’m scared that I’ll have no money. I know that this is a materialistic thing that doesn’t create happiness but I really hate not having money. It’s so essential to life that if you don’t have it, you can end up somewhere you don’t deserve to be.
I’m scared that my relationships with my family will deteriorate over time and I’ll end up not seeing any of them anymore. It’s not like I have a super close relationship with my brothers but I don’t want to be like my dad who never sees his sister anymore.
More than anything, I’m scared that I’ll fail. What if I fail at being a good friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter? What if I fail as a writer? What if I fail as a person?
The fear of failure looms over me everyday. Sometimes it’s a crippling fear that takes over my body with anxiety. I get stressed so easily about little things going on in my life because what if I don’t succeed at them or I let someone down?
I hope one day I won’t be afraid to fail and make mistakes but at the moment it’s controlling my ability to have faith in myself and my capabilities.
I don’t know what the future holds. I can’t control what happens. I guess I just need to pull together what little faith I have left in myself and believe that everything will fall into place eventually.
Thanks for reading x