Everybody wants to be remembered. Whether it’s for being great, or not so great, the desire is always there. Being forgotten is almost like you never really existed, or that you weren’t important enough to continue existing in the person’s mind. Being forgotten was my worst fear about finishing high school.
It’s been well over a year since finishing school now and I have come to the realisation that I’ve been forgotten. Not in the literal sense in that no one remembers I exist. But, in some ways, this form is much worse.
I seem to have been forgotten by my best friends.
A few days ago I was walking down the beach and it finally hit me. I’m not really friends with anyone I was friends with in high school anymore. Of course, I still speak to a couple of them every now and then, but it’s nothing more than a friendly chat before we go our separate ways again, for months on end.
It’s quite sad actually, how some of these friendships that I swore would last a lifetime have dissolved into practically nothing. It’s a strange feeling when I think of the few girls that I called my best friends and see them as just a few more people that I know.
Maybe I should have pushed harder to see them more. Maybe they should have tried harder. Maybe we just weren’t as close as we thought we were.
The worst part, though, is feeling completely forgotten by the one friend I thought never could forget me. We went from speaking on a daily basis to her not even coming out of her boyfriend’s room to say hello when I came to visit my own boyfriend at uni. It became heart breaking every time I went because of the lack of care that she had that I was there.
Her boyfriend became more important than anything else in her life, which I can understand on some levels, but in doing so it meant that she forgot how to have her own life. It makes me sad to think about how many times she said no to catching up because she was busy with him.
I guess I can’t blame her for being in love, but it still hurts to lose a friend this way. To feel forgotten by the people that were most important to you is the worst kind of forgotten.
I don’t care that the other people in my year, who I had nothing to do with, have probably forgotten my name, if not my entire existence. I care that my best friends, who meant the absolute world to me, seemed to have forgotten our friendships.
Maybe we’ll re-connect one day and it will be great again, but maybe not as well. I wish that we’d all tried harder to stay together. I wish that we’d known what leaving high school does to people and prepared ourselves for the new journey.
But, the truth is, we drifted apart. I still think of my nutty friend. I will never forget the crazy stories we made together, but I think now, by writing this down, that I’ve finally realised that friendships change, and people change.
And that’s okay.